Mister Tramps - 8565 Research Blvd, Austin, TX 78758

My reviews are typically on the lengthy side, but I assure you this one will not be.  I've been to Mister Tramp's four or five times and have been unimpressed each and every time.

Part of my trivia team and I used to go to Tramp's for Wednesday night Geeks Who Drink-sponsored trivia.  We play GWD trivia every Saturday night at Opal Divine's Marina, so when they started doing Mister Tramp's, we decided to clean up at a new place.  Yeah, we typically win.  Our team name is Freaks Who Drink, but I digress.

The service at this place is lackluster at best.  The very first time we went there we got great service, but as word of mouth about trivia night spread and Tramp's got more crowded on Wednesday nights, it was hard to get noticed at all by the waitstaff.  I would typically head in around 7:30 to grab a table and wait on my mates to show up for 8pm trivia start time, but I wouldn't be greeted or asked for a drink selection for at least fifteen minutes.  And if we weren't ready to order food when the server brought our drinks out, we would easily wait another fifteen minutes before the server would return to our table.  I should have taken that as a sign to not order any food at Mister Tramp's.

The first time we went I ordered a BLT.  For some stupid reason, the BLT contains onions.  Why the hell does this BLT contain onions?  It's not a BLOT, it's a BLT!  I specifically asked the waitress for no onions on my BLT, but guess what?  Yep, onions galore.  Sorry, but that was just a bad sammich.  Whoever thought to add onions to a BLT should be fired.  Even once I picked out most of the onions, the sandwich still stunk.

I will say that their pizza is quite good.  I got it on two or three occasions, and it did not disappoint.  Take my advice and only order pizza if you go.

My teammates who got pizza liked it, as well, but they didn't like any other food they ordered.

The bartenders seem to constantly disagree about what size beer glass a customer should get, as I have gotten two different sizes on various visits.  Sometimes I'd get the HUGE glass of Blue Moon for $4-something, and sometimes it would be a regular sized pint glass... for the same price.  Say what?

Oh wow, this review is longer than I thought I could manage.  If I could make a living at bitching, I'd be a millionaire by now. 

Verdict:  Maybe eat

McCormick & Schmick's - 11600 Century Oaks Ter, Austin, TX 78758

I once had a happy hour at McCormick & Schmick's and was disappointed at how small the bar was... and at how unspectacular the food was.  I can't even really remember what I ate that was so boring.  I think it was calamari, but I can't be sure since it was THAT forgettable.

A friend had a huge dinner party here, and I decided I hadn't really given M&S a fair shot, so I went along for the ride.

We had the back room all to ourselves, which was very nice.  Our group had a prix fixe menu, from which we could pick a salad, an entree, and a dessert for $26.95.

It took forever for our waiter to finally start taking orders, and even longer for me to get a refill on the wine I'd gotten at the bar.  Our waiter was very professional and polite, though.

So I ordered a caesar salad, the steamed seafood bowl (mussels, lobster, shrimp, clams, and corn in a garlic white wine sauce), and creme brulee.  The caesar salad was average.  I've had better caesar salads, and with how easy it is to make a good caesar salad, I think that's really saying something.
 

Now, I'm sure it's difficult to cook mussels properly, but if you specialize in seafood and charge a pretty penny for it, you should know how to cook the damn things.  Nearly half of my mussels were tightly shut.  In case you don't know, you should never force open a closed mussel and eat it, for it may very well make you sick.  I didn't bother complaining because, honestly, I'd never eaten mussels before, so I had no idea whether or not I'd like them.  I didn't.  Discovered I don't much like clams, either.  I already know I'm not a lobster fan, so that left corn and shrimp for me to enjoy.  Essentially, I made the worst dinner decision possible.  That's partially my fault, but I would've eaten all the mussels anyway had they been cooked properly.  I did, actually, eat everything, with the exception of the closed mussels, despite not liking it.

Meanwhile, the conversation at my table danced among my friend's boy problems, Metalocalypse vs. Spinal Tap, sushi, and nearly jived into bathroom issues somehow. (?)  One girl at the table got a bit inebriated and revealed some info that she, soon after, seemed to regret sharing.  Instead of immediately shutting up, though, she shelved her regret, opened up some more, and ordered another glass of wine.  Good entertainment.

Finally.... DESSERT!  This was the best part.  The creme brulee was much better than the same I'd had at Justine's.  M&S's creme brulee was very creamy and eggy, but in a good way.  

I was a bit surprised at my bill.  I'd forgotten about the two glasses of wine I'd ordered until I saw the damage.  I'm glad I noticed that gratuity was already added.  I said in my review of Sagra -- and I'll say again -- that I hate restaurants that add gratuity automatically.  I know most of them do it only for large parties because they're afraid they won't get decent tips, but I think that's fodder, frankly.  Back in the day when I waited on large parties, I only ever got ripped off by one group (a bunch of rednecks).  I think restaurants count on you not noticing the already-added gratuity so that you tip more and they, in turn, don't have to listen to their servers gripe about only being paid $2.12/hr.

I really didn't think what I ate was worth $26.95.  The creme brulee was the only good thing, but if I'm going to pay $26.95 for it, there'd better be the phone number of a decent-looking man who will pledge his undying love for me hidden inside the ramekin.

The second best part of the meal was the fact that we each got a $20 M&S gift certificate.  Now, I didn't think very much of their food, sure, but you can bet your bippy I'll go back to use that gift certificate.  

Verdict:  Not to eat

Justine's - 4710 E 5th St, Austin, TX 78702

It got really crowded in there really quickly, but that doesn't necessarily mean the food is fabulous.  Justine's is a fancy-shmancy restaurant in a miniscule space, so it doesn't take much to break a sweat or a fire code in there.  I say "fancy-schmancy" because they're offering this high-class food while playing hardcore grit blues music.  The two just don't match.  

I'm cheap, so I ordered a $6 glass of some Chardonnay that was pretty good.  I also got the escargot appetizer as an entree.  I would have gotten an actual entree had I not planned on getting dessert.  

The escargot wasn't too bad, but I've had better.  I've only ever had escargot one other time, and that was at the Gumbo's in Round Rock.  I ate all of my escargot, and even dipped the complimentary bread in the leftover garlic butter sauce.  The bread was quite good, and it came with the standard olive oil and herb concoction you might expect.  I also tried some of my friend's green beans.  Not bad at all.  And for dessert, I opted for the crème brûlée.  Ehhhh... not bad, but even Alamo Drafthouse makes it better.  It was edible.  Period.

Service was great.  Our waitress knew the answer to every single question we asked her, and she didn't break out in a cold sweat even once!  She was right there when we needed her, and she had a great attitude.  I regret that I forget her name.  Oh well, I'll live.

Justine's is a place you should go if you have several hours and dollars to spend, and you happen to be on the east side.

Verdict:  Maybe eat

Which Wich - 259 W 3rd St, Austin, TX 78701

Every time I go to Which Wich, I get the shrimp po'boy.  No, I have never gotten any other sammich at any Which Wich.  Why?  Because I'm not sure anything else would taste better.

While the shrimp tastes very good for a chain restaurant, the bread detracts from the sandwich.  I dunno, it's too... sour, or something.  I love sourdough bread, but I don't think shrimp tastes right with sourdough bread.  Does Which Wich even technically USE sourdough bread??  Their website says white and wheat, so I don't know what to think.  Even for what might be sourdough bread, Which Wich's bread is almost TOO sour.

My comments about their bread not only relate to this particular location, they extend to all locations.  I've eaten at two other locations (Parmer, Triangle).

Despite the bread being so lackluster, I've been to various Which Wich locations ten or so times.  The shrimp tastes good enough that I can almost ignore the inferior bread, I guess.

Apparently I'm the only one experiencing the bread issue, though.

They do have pretty good chocolate shakes, and I like the pea-sized ice from the ice machine.

The best part about Which Wich is the very original ordering process.  Yeah, there's more work involved for the customer, but it means having less interaction with the employees, which some people like.  It also means having the freedom to try to make people laugh or choke on their food by writing funny, stupid, or scandalous names on the bags to be read aloud.  Names like, "Peter Piper's Pickled Porn Princess", "D.B. Cooper", Xhcgetfkonsg", or "F*** You, Michael Dell!" 

Verdict: To eat

Kyoto - 315 Congress Ave, Austin, TX 78701

This place used to feature Happy Minutes.  It can't be called Happy Hour, as it only lasts 45 minutes.

THE PROS:  

-- The place was decorated quite nicely.  Good use of small space.   They were playing Asian Christmas music when I went in December 2009, which was a nice twist on American tradition.

-- The Deep Fried Shrimp (tempura shrimp on rice) I had was exceptionally good.  I was much more impressed with it than I thought I would be.  You get two pieces in the Happy "Hour" deal for $4.25.  Sounds expensive, but the shrimp are huge.

-- When two extra people joined us at our already full six-top and consequently constricted space a bit, we didn't get yelled at.  I was surprised we didn't get into trouble, being that I'd read a lot of other reviews that discussed Kyoto's Soup Nazi approach to things.

-- Kyoto opened early due to it being very cold outside.  I first sat outside on a nearby bench to wait for Happy 45 to begin, but I got too cold and ventured inside to the top of the staircase where another member of my group was waiting.  Three or four of us were waiting on or near the stairs when the elderly owner or hostess (not sure what her position is) came to tell us we needed to wait outside.  She was concerned that we were blocking access to the dress boutique next door.  Truly, we would have been blocking access to the entrance had there been anyone who actually wanted to go in there.  But we understood.  Apparently, the boutique has complained before, and the two businesses have an understanding about things, so we waited outside.  The old lady opened the restaurant early because of the cold, which was much appreciated.

THE CONS:

-- Only about half of our table's entrees arrived simultaneously.  The rest of us had to wait.  I waited the longest.  I really didn't expect tempura shrimp to take that long to cook, as it has not taken thirty minutes at any other sushi bar at which I've eaten.  I honestly thought the waitress had forgotten my order, and I was about to complain when I finally spied her bringing it.  This makes the second sushi place I've been to that brings people's orders out separately.  That's not the way a restaurant should do business.  Kyoto might worry about certain food cooling off before other food is ready, but everyone else ordered sushi that was already cold, so I don't see why they could not have delivered everything at the same time.  If at all possible, everyone's entrees should be brought out simultaneously.  I've eaten at restaurants in which one person orders a well-done steak, and another person orders an entree salad which does not take nearly as long to prepare, yet everything arrives at the same time.

-- The Longhorn roll was bland.  We all shared one of these rolls, and someone else at the table commented that it was spicy.  So when I ate my piece, I expected it to be spicy.  I'm a person who is pretty sensitive to spicy food, but I didn't taste anything spicy in there, folks.  The Longhorn roll really had no taste at all.  I don't understand why most people would essentially lay down their lives for one.  Another person at my table said his Godzilla roll was entirely too salty.  Just FYI.

-- Service was slow.  Not just talking about the food, but the check.  The waitress was fairly quick to bring the check initially, but it took her forever to process two credit cards and count cash (no one needed change from cash).

-- They, for some reason, will only accept up to two credit card payments per table.  I don't get this.  I just don't understand it.  Why the hell can three or four people at a table not pay their part of the bill with a credit card?  I'm lucky most everyone else had cash on them, as I had nothing but credit cards.  And, no, they absolutely will not do separate checks.

Lessons learned:  Bring cash if you go with a group.  Be prepared to spend longer than you want to spend at this restaurant.  The shrimp tempura is very good, and the staff is very nice and accommodating (except for the payment thing).

Verdict:  To not eat (mainly because they're now closed)

Black-Eyed Pea - 9041 Research Blvd, Austin, TX 78758

I grew up eating at Black-Eyed Pea, and my family and I always loved it.  Even as late as a couple of years ago when I worked at Duval and MoPac, I would occasionally eat at this location for a tasty leisurely lunch.  Never had a problem getting back to work within my lunch hour.  Bear that in mind as you read on.

Black-Eyed Pea has since changed their basic concept, and everything else about the restaurant has subsequently gone down the toilet.  Hence, the Pea has become the Poo.

I walked in around 5:30 one recent evening and felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode.  "Where's the host stand?" I wondered.  I saw a counter section at the far end and proceeded to wander over there to ask if I should just seat myself.  I was told by the sweet counter girl that Black-Eyed Pea is now a counter-service operation.  My heart and mood both sank.  Okay, then... I'll have the Roasted Turkey dinner (comes with cornbread dressing), with broccoli and broccoli/rice casserole.  Counter Girl explained to me that I take a number to put on my table, grab a drink, and plop myself down wherever I want.  She said my waiter's name was Matt, I think.

I grabbed my number and got some tea.  THREE MINUTES LATER, my roasted turkey, cornbread dressing, broccoli, and broccoli/rice casserole arrived at my table, along with cornbread and rolls.  My jaw dropped in further disappointment because this food was obviously prepared ahead of time and microwaved.  There's no possible way it could have been made to order, not if it came out of the kitchen less than five minutes after I ordered it.  Seriously, five minutes from counter to table.  I would expect that had I ordered something like caesar salad, but not roasted turkey.

Someone apparently forgot to nuke the broccoli; it was cold.  Even though the turkey and dressing were warm, I could tell those items had been nuked.  They tasted nuked, for one, and certain areas of the meat and dressing were warmer than other areas, which is a dead giveaway.

Never once saw my "waiter".

I began to say a eulogy for the dearly departed Black-Eyed Pea restaurant chain when the manager, Kevin, happened over to check on me.  I believe his name was Kevin; I might be wrong.  I don't think Kevin was expecting any complaints, but he got some.  I asked when they started the counter-service thing.  The day after Father's Day, 2009, he said.  He went on to explain the reason for the drastic change:  Several people came in at lunch and were pissed because they couldn't drive to the restaurant, get waited on and eat, and drive back to work in thirty minutes.  I was about to point out that they really shouldn't change their restaurant's methods based on a few idiots who have a thirty-minute lunch, being that most of the working class in this country have a full hour for lunch.  I don't care where you eat, you are simply not going to be able to drive there, sit down and be waited on, and drive back to your work place in a half hour.  Before I got to say any of this, however, Kevin mentioned that "everything is freshly cooked in five minutes or less because of the number of cooks [they] now have in the kitchen."  Bullshit.  A well-done sirloin steak -- which they offer, by the way -- takes longer than five minutes to cook.  He obviously thought he was talking to someone with no restaurant experience, otherwise he would have known better than to hand me that line of corporate garbage.  I flat out told him that I worked at Bennigan's for a while last century, so I know all about the pressures of catering to people's lunch hour demands.  Look, I don't like Bennigan's, but at least they used to have a lunch system that worked:  "Crunch Lunch", which meant if you didn't get your food in 15 minutes, it'd be free.  Fifteen minutes, people.  Not five.  And they were smart enough to not promise steaks in fifteen minutes.  Sure, these abbreviated-lunchtime jerks get their Black-Eyed Pea food in five minutes, but it's reheated.

Once I went off -- diplomatically, mind you, I didn't get rude -- about my experience in the restaurant industry, Kevin leveled with me.  He said everyone hates the new system, but it's corporate rule, so they have no choice.  

It is my considered opinion -- and I think anyone else with restaurant experience will agree with me -- that corporate jackasses graduate from college with their restaurant management degrees, and immediately go to work at the corporate level.  It's painfully obvious that none of them have ever waited tables nor played GM at a restaurant.

I predict Black-Eyed Pea will be out of business by the end of 2011. On my way out, I told Kevin and Counter Girl they'd be smart to look for other work.  If the corporate entity is going to ruin your restaurant, what else can you do?

'Twas nice knowin' ya, Black-Eyed Pea! 

Verdict:  Not to eat

Bob & Mike's Chicken - 10515 North MoPac Expy, Austin, TX 78759

I went here for lunch 11/28/09, nervously anticipating news from the vet as to what exactly was wrong with my kitty.  Haven't been back since.

I actually almost went to Maki Sushi next door, and I wish I had instead.

I ordered a 3-piece chicken tender meal, which came with a drink, a slice of toasted bread, a few french fries, and a dollop of cole slaw.  I knew it wouldn't be worth the $7.50 it cost.  I had hoped the tenders might be huge.  I figured they were since you only get three of them.  I mean, for that price you can get at least four tenders at your typical Chili's, TGI Friday's, etc.  But no, these tenders were average size.  The breading fell off very easily.  The chicken was fairly good, but Chick-Fil-A is definitely better.  Again, you can get more tenders for your money there... four, plus superior tasting fries and a drink for $6.89, and you don't have to get out of the damn car in the cold if you don't want to.  I dare you to beat that, Bob & Mike.

The toast was meh, as were the french fries.  The dipping sauce was the best tasting thing, but I can't even identify it for you.

I'll try Bush's Chicken next. 

Verdict:  Not to eat

Threadgill's - 6416 N Lamar Blvd, Austin, TX 78752

My friend, David, and I went here on Thanksgiving 2009 for lunch.

I really didn't expect there to be a wait.  I figured most people ate at a friend or family member's house.  Obviously I was wrong.  We had a thirty-minute wait which took thirty-five minutes.  It would have taken longer if I hadn't gone inside to make sure our name was still on the list.  It was, but they had us down as a three-person party instead of two.  Sigh.  I didn't fuss or anything, but they went ahead and seated us right then anyway.  Props to them for that.  I was starving and my blood sugar was low, so I needed food.  No, I didn't tell them that.

We each got the turkey plate (turkey w/ gravy, cornbread dressing, choice of two sides).  For my sides, I got yams and mashed potatoes.  The yams were either undercooked or overcooked, but I couldn't tell which.  I prefer my yams to be soft.  Doesn't everyone?  But these weren't.  The mashed potatoes were very tasty.  I didn't much care for the gravy on the turkey.  I kept pining away for Heinz turkey gravy as I was eating.  The cornbread dressing was just okay.  I loves me some cornbread dressing, but I'm a bit snobbish about it.  See, nobody makes it better than my mother does, so if you don't make it like hers, then your cornbread dressing sucks harder than a Hoover Deluxe.  Threadgills' dressing had individual niblets of corn hidden inside, which I've always considered to be lazy.  Some people like corn niblets in their cornbread dressing; some don't.

I ended the meal with a slice of pumpkin pie.  It was standard tasting, nothing about which to write home.  Dare I say Mom makes it better?  The whipped cream they used was awful.  It didn't taste bad, it was just bland, almost like a soda that has lost its carbonation.  It didn't even taste as good as Reddiwhip, and that's saying something.

Props for having a white wine from Becker Vineyards. 

Verdict:  Maybe eat

Mimi's Cafe - 4151 North IH-35, Round Rock, TX 78664

For those of you who are confused by the Google map, this Mimi's is just north of Ikea and just south of the Round Rock Premium Outlets on University Blvd.

My parents and I went here on Black Friday, 2009, at 2pm.  They had a self-imposed wait.  The host did not communicate the reason for the wait, but we saw empty tables.  As a former Bennigan's hostess, lemme tell you, it's always better to communicate the reason for the wait -- if it is not already obvious -- to the customer because they are then more likely to understand and sympathize.

Fifteen minutes later, we were finally seated.  I can't remember our waiter's name, but that was his first day out of training.  I feared the worst.  Blonde guy, tall, bespeckled.  He turned out to be a pretty good waiter, actually.

My mom got the Bleu Cheese and Walnut Salad, which she pretty much liked but couldn't finish.  She got a Carrot Raisin Nut muffin with it, which she didn't particularly like.  She said it tasted like nothing but Allspice.  I've had their Buttermilk Spice muffins before, which are quite good.  I tried a piece of the Carrot Raisin Nut muffin, and it actually tasted very similar to the Buttermilk Spice muffins.  All the muffins are huge, though, which is good.

My dad got the Bistro Lamb Shank, which he said was stringy and fatty, but otherwise good.  I got the Chicken Pot Pie, which I liked.  Two things, though:  Nix the mushrooms and add potatoes to it.

I had printed out a coupon for a free dessert, which we used to get a Petite Chocolate Mousse.  Now, here is one area in which I have to get rough on Mimi's:  TELL PEOPLE THE CHOCOLATE MOUSSE HAS STRAWBERRY SAUCE ALL FREAKING OVER IT AND STRAWBERRY SLICES LINING THE EDGE OF THE BOWL.  I don't remember the menu saying anything like that in the description.  It certainly mentions nothing about strawberries in its description on the online menu.  None of us are allergic to strawberries, but we were just hoping for a strictly chocolate mousse.  Whipped cream or chocolate fudge sauce would have been fine, but strawberry was completely out of nowhere.  And it wasn't very good with the mousse.  Not very good at all.

The only other problem I had was that it took our waiter a good twelve minutes to get our chocolate mousse out to us.  I doubt it takes twelve minutes to prepare, but if it does, it would have been nice to know that ahead of time.  Otherwise, our waiter was just slow, which is inexcusable.

I doubt I'll go back to this one, unless my parents want to go.  I don't really have anything against this location; it's just out of my way.  The one in Arbor Walk is much closer to me.

BONUS:  Before my parents arrived I sat at the bar and drank a Pom Zero (pomegranate juice and Sprite Zero).  I didn't get charged for it because the bartender didn't feel like ringing it up.  Sweeeeet! 

Verdict:  Maybe eat

Frank and Angie's Pizza - 508 West Ave, Austin, TX 78701

So I walked to Frank & Angie's one November 2009 day after work.  My boss had let me go at 1:30 for T'giving, and I was hungry.

The place isn't too big, so I didn't think I'd have trouble getting noticed at the cornermost table in the darkest corner.  But I did.  I later told my waitress, Aundrea, that I was doing a Yelp review, and she hoped I wouldn't mention that she didn't see me for the first few minutes I was there.  I didn't and don't hold any ill will.  Had I waited any longer than I did, I probably would have gotten peeved and gotten up to angrily ask the counter person if I was going to be waited on.  But that didn't have to happen.  Aundrea (I hope I have the spelling right) came over and was apologetic about my sitting there for a few minutes, so no problem.

I ordered an iced tea, and Aundrea recommended a good white wine (I can't remember what it was).  I was surprised that the wine came in a regular small glass instead of a wine glass.  The glass, in fact, was exactly the same as the set my parents have that I'd used eons ago growing up.  Suddenly, childhood memories flooded my brain with emotion and soon flooded my eyes with tears.  Thank you, Frank & Angie's!  Okay, no, that didn't happen.  But the glasses really were the same.

I got an offer I couldn't refuse on the Al Pacino ("white alfredo sauce, herbs and spices, mozzarella cheese on a thin crust").  Topped it with crumbled meatballs (Bill Murray).  The meatballs, unlike Bill Murray, were nearly forgettable.  They weren't as bad as the God awful "meatball" (read: breakfast sausage) atrocities I'd had at The Thistle Cafe, but they weren't as good as the meatball pizza topping at Reale's.  So I picked off the meatball and ate the rest of the pizza.  The pizza was pretty good.  Pretty good crust, good herbs and spices, great alfredo sauce.  Next time I set foot into F&A's, I'll get the Al Pacino as is, no Bill Murray.

I enjoyed the '60s music, but it makes me wonder if they change the music genre selection daily.  I know it's been, like, three years since the only other time I went to Frank & Angie's, but I swear they were playing Italian music at that time (Sinatra, the Godfather love theme, etc).

Aundrea gave me a taste of the Don Cannoli filling, and it was so great that I ordered the Don Cannoli.  I will now have to deduct a point because the waitress convinced a diabetic to order a dessert.  No, I'm kidding.  Is it ironic for a diabetic who has, ahem, dietary restrictions to be doing restaurant reviews?  I normally don't like cannoli at all.  The breading stuff on this cannoli was standard, so I concentrated as much as I could on just eating the filling.  The filling was wonderful.  Better than any other cannoli filling I've ever had.

I'm sure I will go back to F&A's to order the Al Pacino and cannoli again.  It wasn't the best pizza I've had in Austin (hello, Reale's!), but it certainly wasn't the worst (hello, Onion).  I do recommend putting garlic on the pizza.  That's what I got a few years ago, and I remember really liking it.

Thanks, Aundrea, for a great experience, and thanks for offering to give me my tea to go.  I hid it from the bus driver while I was getting on and enjoyed it all the way home! 

Verdict:  To eat

Chick-Fil-A - 10901 Research Blvd, Austin, TX 78759

Been going to this Chick-Fil-A more often than is good for me in the last seven years.

The cashiers and drive-thru order takers are always nice... "My pleasure!"  I have never once been made to feel hurried or like I was putting someone out because they had to wait on me.

The crowds at this particular Chick-Fil-A are strangely timed.  There have been times I've gone there at noon on a weekday and the drive-thru and inside areas will be understandably crowded.  Other weekdays at noon it'll be a ghost town.  One weekday last month I went to the drive-thru just after 2pm, and the line was longer than I'd ever seen it.  2pm!  On one hand that's good because you know you've hit upon a great restaurant if it's crowded, but on the other hand it was 2pm!  I went at 2pm on purpose to AVOID the crowd.  Oh well.

The food is always fabulous.  I have never gotten a bad chicken sammich, salad, waffle fries, etc.  Chick-Fil-A is one of the few restaurants whose french fries I actually enjoy eating.  And those Chick-n-Minis they have at breakfast... SUPER YUM!  I have never understood how pickle slices are appetizing on these chicken sammiches, though.  They make the bun and chicken breading soggy.  

And they're always giving out coupons and free stuff!  I used a coupon two nights ago that I'd gotten in the mail for a free sammich.  Didn't have to buy anything to get the sammich, either (but I bought fries and a drink anyway).  When I worked at Duval and MoPac, the Chick-Fil-A at Parmer and MoPac would occasionally come to my office and give us free chicken sammiches and fries.  I'm pretty sure our management paid for it, but it was still cool.  They always had someone dressed up in the cow costume, and they would give us COUPONS... the magic word... in addition to our free sammiches and fries.

One of my managers from that job got Chick-Fil-A almost every day for lunch.  No joke.  On his 40th birthday, everyone on my team got together and bought him a Chick-Fil-A gift card (and decorated his cubicle with crime scene tape and old fart balloons).  The whole thing was my idea, of course.

Verdict:  To eat

Hut's Hamburgers - 807 W 6th St, Austin, TX 78703

It's hard for me to believe I had lived in Austin for eight years before trying Hut's for the first time in 2009.  Over the years I have heard varying reports on Hut's.  In fact, just before my first trip,  I stated on Facebook I'd be going there, and one friend said, "Prepare to have all other burgers ruined by the awesomeness of Hut's."  Another friend warned, "Hut's is not that great, IMHO."

I don't know the first friend all that well, and I tend to agree with the second friend fairly often about food, so I wasn't completely sure about eating at Hut's .  I thought I might make a last-minute dash to Frank and Angie's instead.  I've been there and know how great it is.

So I parked at Whole Foods -- I had planned to attend their rooftop presentation of Ghostbusters later that evening, so I didn't feel like I was abusing the parking space -- and walked to Hut's.  I was surprised at how small it is.  I mean, I've driven by it several times, but it seems a lot smaller on the inside.  I liked the black leather booths and the oldies music.  I had studied the menu the night before and discovered they were styled to be a '50s burger joint.

I think it's great that they have a burger named after each rock 'n' roll artist who died in that plane crash on February 3, 1959, and one named after the man who coined the phrase "rock 'n' roll".  They also have burgers named after Wolfman Jack (WHOM I MET ONCE -- yes, I'm bragging), Chubby Checker, and Fats Domino.  Unfortunately, the burger I wanted did not have a neat-o rock 'n' roll name... "Hut's Favorite".  I also like that they serve Diet Dr Pepper.  You don't find Diet Dr Pepper in as many places as you should.  Restaurant owners:  DIET COKE IS FOUL!  PLEASE OPT FOR DIET DR PEPPER INSTEAD, OR AT LEAST IN ADDITION.

My burger was a lot better than I figured it would be.  The meat was cooked medium well, which was fab, and the bun was just heavenly.  The cheese, mayo and lettuce toppings were such a great addition.  Everything tasted wonderfully.

My waiter was quite relaxed.  He was nice, but still didn't seem to care about me too much.  It didn't really bother me, though, since I was more interested in playing with my cell phone than talking to him.

For those of you who read my reviews of Fran's and Little Red Wagon Burgers, you know that my taste buds recently became a battleground between those two for the coveted title of Catherine's Favorite Austin Hamburger.  Then I decided to make Fran's my favorite Austin hamburger and Little Red Wagon my favorite Round Rock burger.  Well, a new battle upon my taste buds has commenced:  Fran's is now vying with Hut's for that coveted title. 

Verdict:  To eat

Frank - 407 Colorado St, Austin, TX 78701

I ordered the "Bacon Cheeseburger" special.  Now, even though the description said, "housemade beef sausage" and Frank is pretty much all hot dogs/sausages, I actually thought this would be a cheeseburger.  You probably think that's pretty stupid of me, but I thought Frank just might have the occasional burger.  After all, it was a *special*.  The main reason I thought it would be a cheeseburger was not just because of the name, but also because I got a "half sausage" burger at BB Rover's once, and it was actually a burger.  I figured Frank's would be similar to that.  My mistake, I guess.  I nearly ordered a plain dog instead, and now I wish I had.

I was not completely surprised when I saw that my "burger" was a full-fledged sausage.  Should have trusted my first instinct.  I decided to just deal with it, though, and try to like it.  Well, I didn't think the sausage tasted very good.  And it was fatty, like chewy.  Also, there was no bacon nor cheese on it like there was supposed to be.  I let the bartender know about that and he went back to the kitchen to kick some ass and get me some cheese and bacon.  So I put the cheese and bacon on there, took the sausage off, and proceeded to eat everything else.  The secret sauce was actually quite good, but I think it was simply mustard and mayonnaise mixed together.  Good bun.  I still ate less than half, though.  My cell phone began frustrating me (wouldn't connect to the internet... screw you, Sprint), so I became obsessed with getting back to the office to call their tech support gurus from the land line.  As such, the bartender was confused because I wanted my check so quickly.  I told him I didn't really like the "burger" and that it wasn't what I expected it to be.  He comped it, which was cool.

I wish I knew the bartender's name so I could give him personal props.  He was really steamed about the cooks forgetting the cheese and bacon, and I overheard another bartender say, "That's the second time that's happened today." 

In conclusion, if you like sausages, waffle fries, and drinking iced tea out a jar (which was pretty cool), you'll love Frank.  They get excellent reviews , and I'm sure that's right, normally.  I guess I caught them on an off day.  But I wish I had known that the cheeseburger wasn't going to be a cheeseburger.  If they had called it "Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage", I would not have been misguided.  Instead, it was simply called "Bacon Cheeseburger".  I want to try a plain dog, but I'm afraid it'll taste too much like a sausage.  I'm just not a sausage person.  When I attend Oktoberfest goings on, I stick to beer only. 

Since this trip, I've had their cheese fries.  Waffle fries with cheddar cheese, bacon, green onions, and sour cream, and they actually layer the ingredients so all the fries get some love!  Excellent.

Verdict:  Maybe eat

Zero Degrees Ice Cream Creations - 11301 Lakeline Blvd, Austin, TX 78717

I finally got my ass over to Zero Degrees to try a cup of this highly rated ice cream.

The Good:
1.  The scoop of Sweet Cream I got was pretty phenomenal tasting.  I recommend it.
2.  The counter guy was very nice.

The Bad:  
1.  The Sweet Cream's taste escaped my taste buds exceptionally quickly.   I don't know whether something was wrong with my taste buds or with the ice cream.
2.  There was something in the ice cream that I'm not sure was supposed to be there.  It tasted just like the ice cream, but was the exact consistency and stickiness of caramel.  I think, perhaps, the ice cream was not completely mixed up like it should have been.
3.  They have a lot more flavors listed on their website than they offer in the store.  The website says nothing about revolving flavors, so I have no idea if I will ever get to try the Chocolate Peanut Butter flavor I specifically went here for.  Sweet Cream was my second choice.

Verdict:  To eat

Spaghetti Warehouse - 117 W 4th St, Austin, TX 78701

I hadn't set foot in a Spaghetti Warehouse since Salt Lake City, 1990.  All I remember about that experience is that I liked the spumoni, and that the gender names on the bathroom doors were almost unrecognizably carved into wooden planks.  I thought the "Gents" sign said "Cents", and I began rooting through my pockets for spare change.  Hey, Utah's weird; they might have pay toilets.  Thankfully, I quickly found the women's restroom, but I digress.  I have no idea what entree I ordered, or if I liked it.

There is a reason for that:  The food is just average. 

I got my food to go, which I'd called in ahead, so it was ready to go when I got there.  I got out of there for under $8.  I think that's really saying something for downtown.  I had spent the last couple of weeks, since I started my new job, looking for decent cheap places to eat and had come up almost empty-handed.

Fettucine alfredo and wedding soup is what I got.  The soup was much better than I thought it would be.  I had never eaten wedding soup before, so I wasn't sure what to expect.  I didn't love it, but I liked it.  As for my entree, Macaroni Grill has better tasting fettucine, but it's also more expensive.  I did have trouble curling the fettucine around my fork, so I pretty much had to cut it up to eat it.  At first I thought the portion was skimpy, but I couldn't finish it so it was obviously more than enough.  And, of course, there was bread and soup to be had.

If I'm at home craving Italian food, I'll go to Macaroni Grill or Carrabba's or will cook my own. 

Verdict:  Not to eat

Katz's Kosher Deli - 618 W 6th St, Austin, TX 78701

I'll go ahead and tell you that the first two times I ate here, the food was fair to midland.  On my first visit I got the potato skins, which were okay.  There was waaaaay too much overcooked facon that I had to leave on the plate for the dish to be at all enjoyable.  The skins were cooked very well (meaning good, not well-done) and were terrifically crunchy.

On my second visit I got a grilled cheese sammich on sourdough bread.  It was good but overpriced.  The fries that came with it stunk so I left them alone, but I'm not much of a fries person.

Third visit had me trying  the Late Night Burger, which is a burger with cheddar cheese and a fried egg and "beef bacon".  The facon looked and tasted like a ham steak, really.  I discovered I don't like beef bacon.  I had one hell of a time getting that crap off my burger without removing all the cheese, but I finally managed to do it.

I ordered the burger cooked medium, yet it came out well-done.  And it didn't taste very good well-done.  Also, I wanted a cheese-stuffed potato instead of fries (you get a choice between those two; mine was not some weird substitution), yet my dish was served with their subpar fries.

I do not fault the waiter, Maurice, with any of this.  He waited on me during my first trip and he was excellent.  I actually trust that he entered the order correctly into the computer.  I don't trust the cooks who were in the kitchen today.  I think they were ready to go home and didn't give a crap about putting the order together as it was written.

Maurice offered to get me my cheese-stuffed potato, but I said no because I really didn't think I'd eat much of it.  Plus, as a diabetic, I figured I was getting all the carbs I needed from the hamburger bun.

After I was finished, Maurice tried to entice me to order dessert.  I was tempted, I really was.  But the diabetic in me said no.  I mentioned to him that the menu online listed the crepes w/ hot fudge sauce as both an appetizer and a dessert, and I was tempted to try it next time as a meal.  He tried to get me to order it as a dessert today and mentioned that I could just nix the sauce.  I thought about it and almost gave in, but I said no. 

Actually, I had gone there the third time with the intention of getting the Tavern on the Green Salad, but I forgot about it once I got in there and settled on the stupid Late Night Burger.  Wish I'd remembered the Tavern Salad.  

So my fourth visit had me trying the Tavern on the Green salad.  "Fresh turkey breast, turkey ham, salami, roast beef, Swiss cheese, tomato and hard-boiled egg on a bed of lettuce." 

Okay, what the frig is "turkey ham"?  I know they can't have actual ham because they're kosher, but why bother having something that unsuccessfully tries to taste like ham?   

Have you ever noticed that turkey is like the O- of meat?  It can be used for almost any other type of meat, just as O- blood can be given to a person of any blood type.  I've seen turkey burgers and turkey hot dogs, which are awful in my opinion, and now I've been the disappointed recipient of turkey ham.

I don't know why I was expecting the turkey breast to be actual turkey breast.  Silly me.  I should have expected cold cut turkey breast.  I had also hoped the swiss would be shredded, but it wasn't.  Bummer.  The roast beef was good, though.

I easily could've made this salad with simple cold cuts from H-E-B for less than the 9-something dollars Katz's charged me.

Marc Katz was at the bar when I was there.  I failed to collect the necessary guts to tell him how little I thought of the Tavern salad.  Boo for me.  So glad Katz's finally closed.

Verdict:  Not to eat (they're closed anyway)

Five Guys Burgers and Fries - 10000 Research Blvd, Austin, TX 78759

So I wrote a scathing review of the In-N-Out Burger in San Francisco.  The next night, I mentioned to my trivia team that I was planning on trying out Five Guys Burgers and Fries the next day. Interesting Twilight-Zonish dialogue took place for the next few moments:

Me:  "So I'm trying out Five Guys Burgers and Fries tomorrow."
Scott:   "Oh, Five Guys tastes just like In-N-Out Burger."
Me:  "Cute, Scott.  Cute."
Scott:  "Huh?"
Me:  "I had no idea that you even knew I wrote Yelp reviews."
Scott:  "What the hell are you talking about?"
Me:  "I assume you somehow read the bad review I gave In-N-Out yesterday and you therefore thought you'd scare me away from Five Guys by comparing it similarly to In-N-Out."
Scott:  "Uh, no.  I really think the taste of Five Guys and In-N-Out is very similar, and I have no idea what Yelp is."
Me:  "Great.  I already have a stomach ache in preparation for tomorrow's dinner."

Well, Scott was wrong.  Dead wrong.  Granted, Five Guys was not the be-all and end-all of burgers for me, but it was a great deal better than In-N-Out Burger, which is not hard to be, really.

I got just a cheeseburger, which turned out to be two meat patties.  I really only wanted one patty, but is that even an option?  Not sure it is.  But, hey, the burger price was still only $5.19.  The burger was good, but one patty would have sufficed.  As it was, I couldn't finish my burger.

I don't know what brand of American cheese Five Guys uses, but it was, hands down, THE best American cheese I've ever eaten.  I suppose it's possible that it was some other kind of cheese, but it tasted mostly like American -- only better -- and it looked like American.  Somebody correct me on the cheese type, if necessary.

Muchas gracias for having Coke Zero AND Cherry Coke on tap.  I'm not supposed to have regular soda, but I've been good lately so I treated myself to a little bit of Cherry Coke in my Coke Zero cup.

Fab classic rock music station, too:  Boston, Steve Winwood, Rush, .38 Special, The Who...  I like Steve Winwood post Spencer Davis Group, but I don't consider his solo '80s stuff to be classic rock, rather '80s soft rock.  The Five Guys know how to pick a good Sirius station.

I was giddy when I learned last week that Five Guys had a location in the Arboretum.  I was worried I would have to get out of the bus on The Drag to try out Five Guys and then catch a later bus home from work.  I would have gone next door to Amy's Ice Cream for dessert last night if I didn't think Amy's Ice Cream stinks.  Sorry, Amy, but your ice cream is mediocre.

Congrats to Five Guys for being much better than mediocre.

P.S.  People who compare this place negatively to Mighty Fine are loons.  The one time I ate at Mighty Fine, it stunk to high Heaven. 

Verdict:  To eat

Sagra - 1610 San Antonio St, Austin, TX 78701

They have great linen napkins and wannabe-great paper tablecloths.  

Our waiter seemed perfectly nice.  He never asked me what I wanted to drink, though.  He asked everyone else except me.  I was barely able to get his attention before he fled from our table.  

Me:  "Hey, can I get a French press, please?"
Waiter:  "Oh... uh, sure."
Me:  "Gee, thanks."

I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat.  This was partially because they have such a small brunch menu and partially because a couple of different things actually did sound good, so I had trouble making a decision.  I am one of those weird people who can make most life-altering decisions looking cool and without much of a second thought, but ask me what I want for lunch and I'll easily get as flustered as a hypochondriacal Woody Allen character.

I finally blurted out "French toast" when the waiter came to me.  Also ordered a bellini for $1.  

The bellini was sickeningly sweet.  I hadn't had French toast in a good long while, so I was interested to try it again.  Sagra's French toast wasn't terrible, but it wasn't good, either.  It was drowning in canned sauteed peaches.  I like eating raw peaches, but these sauteed peaches just weren't shakin' my bacon.  [Mmmmm... bacon.]  Took me a minute to rake all that crud offa there, but I finally managed.  My momma makes much better French toast, and she's not a restaurant.  She doesn't cook anymore, though, except at T'giving and Xmas.  [Mmmmm... T'giving.]  The toast had very little taste to it unless I dipped it in the ramekin of maple syrup with which they provided me (thankfully, they apparently knew that their French toast was lacking taste).  I was expecting a little powdered sugar.  Isn't that pretty standard on French toast?  I guess there's a reason you shouldn't order French toast at an Italian restaurant.

We also got a couple of complimentary baskets of various starches:  two kinds of smurf muffins and some sort of cubed bread pieces.  I say "smurf muffins" because they were approximately 1.5" in diameter and they were merely muffin tops instead of entire muffins.  After I picked out the raisins and slapped some butter on them, they were great.  I couldn't tell you what flavor they were, unfortunately.  Nothing distinctive.  No one tried the cubed bread.

Two of my tablemates got Eggs Sagra, which is essentially Eggs Benedict (Hollandaise sauce, spinach, salmon, poached eggs... and the same kind of bread used for my French toast).  They complained that the bread was too hard, so the manager brought out a plate of, I guess softer, bread.  I really don't know how that was supposed to help since the bread is supposed to go on the bottom of an Eggs Benedict/Sagra meal, but whatever.  I wasn't too concerned with it since it wasn't my meal.

I don't like how certain restaurants automatically add gratuity to the bill for parties of 6 or more, because they count on you forgetting that they added gratuity already.  It worked on me, anyway.  My bill was $16-something.  I put a $20 bill in there and forgot about it.  My friend mentioned later that they added gratuity already, so I had no choice but to curse myself for giving my merely average waiter a double tip.

On the upside, I saw much closer parking spaces I could have chosen as I walked to Sagra from my spot at 18th and Guadalupe.

I admit I didn't do all the necessary research on Sagra before I went, but I did read that parking might be a problem.  I noticed two signs outside of Sagra that mentioned "more parking in back".  So try that first.  Don't be a boob and walk 2 blocks in high heels like I did.  Granted, 2 blocks is not far at all, but it can seem distant when you're wearing heels.  Shut up, male species.

Verdict:  Not to eat

In-N-Out Burger - 333 Jefferson St, San Francisco, CA 94133

I really don't get why nearly everyone on God's green earth puts In-N-Out on such a pedestal.  The burgers AREN'T. VERY. GOOD.  McDonald's is so much tastier, and it irks me to say that.

The place has character, though.  I'll give it two stars for that because I'm feeling generous today.

I went to San Francisco on vacation with my boyfriend-at-the-time in 2006, and we decided to see what all the hoopla was about with regard to In-N-Out.  Neither of us thought the burgers tasted very good.  And of course we didn't know how to order in the top secret lingo, so we got a lot of nasty looks from yuppity Californians.

My burger was just plain bland.  Bland, bland, BLAND tasting meat.  It tasted like it wanted to be a Wendy's cheeseburger, but it flunked Taste 101 at University of California Burgley.  And what's with all the lettuce?  Was there a special code word I could have shouted to keep my burger from becoming a salad with a bun?

The place was super crowded despite their subpar food, so we had to sit outside on the pavement to eat.  That was the best part of the meal because it got us away from the LITERALLY unwashed masses inside the restaurant.  Granola and incense are wonderful, but patchouli and b.o. stink, guys.

I have to assume Californians are so smog-stricken that their taste buds have been rendered useless.  Or, In-N-Out is constantly filled with stupidly curious tourists like me. 

Verdict:  Not to eat

BB Rover's Cafe & Pub - 12101 Jollyville Rd, Austin, TX 78759

Red Rover, Red Rover, let BB come over!

I've been to BB Rover's several times in the last few years because I live within walking distance of it.  I like that I can walk over there, have a few beers, and walk back home.  Nice and simple.

They have nearly 300 beers, but I will never try them all.  If you try at least 100 in a year, you can get into their special club.  I know a couple of people in it, but I honestly couldn't tell you what kinds of things you get for it.  I think your name gets put on some plaque, and they throw a party in your honor which we light drinkers are not allowed to attend.  I think you get some t-shirt, too, but I dunno.  This is the only bar in town I know of that carries Kona Pipeline beer (a coffee porter).

I'm not a huge fan of their food.  The pizza is actually quite good, but their burgers stink.  I'm one of the few people I know who dislikes BB's burgers.  However, I recently tried a club sammich here, and it was the bet club samnmich I've ever shoved in my mouth.  It has real chicken , rather than cold-cut chicken, and hot, crunchy bacon.  It doesn't automatically come with cheese, so don't forget to ask for it when you order.

I've had a couple of happy hour meetups there.  Reserved the back room and everything.  The waitresses are always really nice and helpful.  They even allowed us to split the tab for each person.  Apparently they won't let you do that on the patio.  Weird, but that's what one of the waitresses told me.

Word to the wise:  Don't go to their website.  Last time I went, back in September, it had a virus on it.

And oh, it's actually hard for me to rationalize drinking there because, ultimately, I will have to get up to use the restroom.  As others have stated, the stalls in the ladies' room lack locks.  Say what?

Verdict:   To eat (and drink)

Thistle Cafe - 300 W 6th St, Austin, TX 78701

THE POETIC VERSION:

I walked in and looked around,
But no one was there to sit me down.

"Do I seat myself?" I asked the air.
I walked up to the counter and sat in a chair.

"Oh, we do counter service," said a man in my ear.
"Come order right over here."

I studied the menu and picked out a meal:
Penne pasta, alfredo and sausage... good deal!

Twelve bucks it cost (with tea), and I waited for the container.
Twenty minutes it took, but I'm no complainer.  (yes I am)

Got back to the office and opened the bag.
They'd laid the box upright and sauce had spilled.  What a drag!

The sauce was runny, and pepper ruined the taste.
The sausage was fatty.  Man, what a waste!

The pasta itself was just plain blah.
Will I return to Thistle?  The answer is, Nah!

THE PROSE VERSION:

I walked in but couldn't figure out if I was supposed to seat myself.  Most places have a sign saying either, "Hostess will seat you," or "Please seat yourself."  So I walked around and finally spied a counter area.  I saw counter seating off to the side, so I sat down expecting to be served there.  A man approached and informed me that they are a counter-service operation.  Okay, I'm at the counter.  Oh, I have to get up and go to the cash register, order, and wait for my food.  Okay, then.  So I went to the counter and studied the menu.  They have salads, wraps, sandwiches and pastas to choose from, or you can make your own of any one of those things.  I decided to make my own pasta with penne, alfredo sauce and Italian sausage.

I got it to go, which took a while longer than I thought it would.  Finally got my stuff and walked the block back to the office.

When I got to the break room and opened the bag, I discovered they had placed the box in there upright.  It's the typical to-go box, so it should have lain flat.  As it was, a lot of the alfredo sauce had seeped out of the box into the bag.  What a mess!  And the little snippet of bread they gave me fell out of its too-small bag and was drenched in alfredo sauce.  No problem, I didn't want the stupid bread anyway.

So I cleaned the mess and sat down to eat the pasta.  Tried a piece of sausage first.  It was breakfast sausage, which I wasn't expecting.  Gross with pasta.  And it was fatty, and too chewy because of it.  Also, there was quite a bit of pepper.  I think the pepper was already on the sausage instead of having been added to the pasta.  I don't like pepper, folks.  I just don't.  A tiny smidgeon goes a very long way.  The pasta was bland and I wanted something to flavor it up a bit, but pepper was not the answer I was looking for.  Didn't matter anyway because somehow the tastes of the pepper and the pasta/sauce stayed completely separate on my palate.  They did not mix or complement each other, or anything.  So that made the pepper taste stronger, and therefore all the worse, in my mouth.  I ate around the pepper as much as I could, but the pasta and sauce were so bland it was simply not enjoyable.

The sauce was runny and thin.  I soon remembered that I make much better pasta at home.  Sure, it's convenient to have someone else make it for you so you have no clean-up about which to worry, but I'd rather have quality food and deal with the eventual clean-up.

I kept thinking, "I'm going to stab myself with an insulin needle for THIS?!"  I don't have pasta very often because it wreaks havoc with my blood sugar, so when I do have it I want it to be deliciously sinful.  This pasta was merely sinful. 

Verdict:  Not to eat (they're closed anyway)

House Wine - 408 Josephine St, Austin, TX 78704

I've been to House Wine several times, despite the fact that they're a far shot for me (I live in NW Austin).  I really don't remember why I came here in the first place, but I'm glad I did.

They introduced me to my new favorite wine, the Quady Electra Orange Muscat.  It's an inexpensive dessert wine ($6/glass) and it tastes more wonderful than words can express.  I regularly now head to Spec's to buy bottles of this wine.

Okay, okay... I'm getting sidetracked.

I love House's half-price Sundays where a glass of wine from a bottle they opened the day before is half price.  Last time I was there on a Sunday, I finished off the bottle of orange muscat they had, and they then turned me on to Quady's other muscat... the black muscat.

I haven't tried any cheese plates or other finger foods at House Wine because I think they're a bit overpriced.

The decor in House Wine is FAB.  If I had money, I would want the name of their decorator.

Okay, so my advice to you is to try House Wine on a Sunday first when you can get half price glasses.  Then you'll be hooked. 

Verdict:  To drink

Elevation Burger - 9828 Great Hills Trl, Austin, TX 78759

Went here expecting a decent but not wonderful burger.  They could barely supply decent.

Elevation has grass-fed beef, and I'm frankly not sure if I'd tried grass-fed beef before I went to Elevation Burger, so I figured I'd give it a whirl.  Well, it didn't taste any better than, or even different from, grain-fed beef, so I don't see the point.  I hear there's less fat in grass-fed beef.  If so, then I say hooray for grass-fed.

The burger was cooked fine, but the meat patty was thin, and the entire burger was smaller than I was expecting for the money.  I texted to Facebook that the burger reminded me very much, in taste and structure, of a Wendy's Jr Bacon Cheeseburger that I can get for only 99-cents.

I liked that Elevation had Coke Zero on tap.  And everyone who works there is super friendly and helpful.

The burgers aren't bad, but they're not good, either.  Not good enough for the price, at least.  Do your wallet a favor and go to Wendy's. 

Verdict:  Not to eat

The Sandwich Joint - 5035 Burnet Rd, Austin, TX 78756

They've got a lot of great sammich combinations, better than most other sandwich places I've tried out lately.  The problem with the sandwiches is that the The Sandwich Joint puts more emphasis on the names they've given the sammiches than on the quality of the sammiches.  Don't get me wrong, The Sandwich Joint has pretty good tasting sandwiches, and I do love word play, but I always had trouble remembering what the hell I wanted to order when I got up there because it had some weird name like "Knuckle Sandwich" instead of just "Roast Beef, Turkey & Swiss".  I actually almost always got the "Backwards TLB", as they call it, which is just a pointlessly kitschy name.  Seriously, it sounds like they think people are going to order a specific sammich because of the name alone.  Though I have to admit that if I owned a deli, I would probably give the sandwiches similarly stupid sounding names.  "Backwards TLB" and most of the hot sandwich names are really the only ones that bother me, actually.  (The ONLY ones... I know, right?)

Other reviewers have mentioned the space issue being a problem, and I have to agree.  I've never stayed there to eat because it's too cramped, and I feel this way even when it's empty in there.

Also, it would be very easy to steal a drink from this place.  I'm not advocating that you do it; I just noticed how easy it would be as I was waiting for my sammich one day.  Simply do not order a drink, and grab one from the cooler as you're waiting for your sandwich to be prepared.  You can hold it in your hand below the level of the counter so they can't see it.  Actually, the person who makes your sandwich is almost never the same person who rings you up, so if the person who gives you your sammich sees that you have a drink, they would have no way of knowing you didn't pay for it.  There are lots of blind spots in that place for the employees, and since they store drinks all over the damn place it just occurs to me that they probably lose a few here and there.

The Sandwich Joint has pretty good tasting sammiches and fairly friendly and with-it employees.  They also have GREAT TASTING "puppy chow".

One last thing:  Once when I ordered a roast beef sammich they forgot the cheese.  I didn't realize it until I'd walked back to the office.  Once I tasted the lack of cheese, I decided to lodge a complaint on their website.  Clicked the Contact Us link, filled out the form... but there was no Submit button anywhere.  I'm sure this is an accident, but I'm just letting you know that if you need to complain to The Sandwich Joint about anything, you'll have to call them. 

Verdict:  Not to eat (only because they're closed)

Murphy's Deli - 700 Lavaca St, Austin, TX 78701

Murphy's was not worth the piddly 3-block trek from my office.  It was not worth the time.  'Twas not even worth the Google Maps search I did to find it.

I ordered a ham and swiss sammich.  I got lettuce and fat-free mayo on it, which are the only toppings I ever get on a sammy, but this was the only sammy I've ever eaten that tasted positively plain and boring this way.  If Ben Stein was a sandwich, he'd have been launching fireworks in my mouth compared to this pathetic Murphy's Deli sandwich.

Seriously, I know ham and cheese is really boring in the universe of sandwich options, but that is typically when a deli will attempt to ramp up the excitement by using flavorful breads.   The bread here (French) was a complete snoozer.  Boring.  Nothing at all interesting in its yeasty clutches.  It looked yummy as the counter person put the sandwich together, but I was so sorry for my poorly though out lunch choice as soon as I bit into it.

The acoustics in there must have been subpar because, with the music only at a medium volume, I could barely hear any of what the two counter people said to me.  I had to ask them to repeat everything twice, sometimes thrice.  At first I was afraid my hearing was going.  After all, I had a bag under my left eye la few mornings earlier, and I've never had eye bags before, so lately I've been conscious of aging.  But I wiped my ["wrinkled"] brow in relief as soon as a third counter person asked if I wanted my sammich as a combo.  Had no trouble hearing her, so the two counter dudes need to to learn to speak from their diaphragms.

The place was clean and the decor was fine, but one minor detail irritated me:  The plastic lid did not fit on my cup.  Yes, I was using the supposedly correct size.  The lid was too small.  I did actually try the other size, out of morbid curiosity, but it was too big like I knew it would be.  So the drink station was almost like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, only in this case Goldilocks didn't get her perfectly warmed porridge... er, perfectly sized drink lid.

*Why the hell did Catherine write 500+ characters about a drink lid?*

Because I like to entertain you.  I also wrote it so that you will be spared the very minor stress with which I dealt.  And hopefully this will lead you to avoid all four of the Murphy's locations on Congress or Lavaca that are within a 6-block radius of each other.  That way, your stomach will like you for at least one more day.

If you're looking for a comatose sandwich, head to Murphy's Deli. 

Verdict:  Not to eat

Little Red Wagon Burgers - 1207 E Palm Valley Blvd, Round Rock, TX 78664

I was bumming around Round Rock a year-and-a-half ago, and was on my way home with hunger pangs when I caught sight of Little Red Wagon.  It looked like a hole in the wall, and a burger sounded mighty good, so I pulled into the parking lot.

When I walked in I saw signs all over the cash registers that read, "Cash only!"  I was afraid that might happen.  I walked out and looked around for a bank but didn't see one.  Luckily, though, I found $7 in my billfold, so I figured as long as I didn't go overboard I could have a great meal.  When I went back to the counter I noticed a credit card machine near the wall.  I asked the counter girl about it.  Apparently, they normally accept credit cards, but the machine wasn't working that day.  No problem.  I ordered the double-meat double-cheese burger with onion rings.  The drawback?  Little Red Wagon carries Pepsi products.  Diet Pepsi is much better than Diet Coke, granted, but I was hoping for a Diet Dr Pepper or Coke Zero.  Being a type 1 diabetic, regular cola has waaaaay too many carbs for my poor pancreas to handle.

The food was brought out to me.  The onion rings were pretty good, but almost cold.  They were still a helluva lot better than, say, Sonic's onion rings.  Sonic's onion rings are too sweet, but I digress.  The burger was fantastic!  I immediately texted my mother and told her I want to take her and Dad to Little Red Wagon sometime soon.  I also must say that the Halloween desecrations (decorations) were fab, too.

The only thing of which I was afraid when I walked into Little Red Wagon is now happening:  Little Red Wagon and Fran's Hamburgers are now duking it out on my taste buds for the coveted title of Catherine's Favorite Austin Hamburger.  But I suppose Fran's could be my Austin hamburger, and Little Red Wagon could be my Round Rock hamburger. 

Verdict:  To eat

Sandy's Hamburgers - 603 Barton Springs Rd, Austin, TX 78704

I live in NW Austin and there's a Short Stop within walking distance of my house.  So I would sooner save the gas and go there for a burger rather than driving all the way south to Sandy's.  The only good thing about Sandy's is that they have custard.  But, hell, I can go to Culver's on Braker and get custard (various flavors, too).  So once again, I'd rather save gas money and go to the closer location.

It wasn't so much the obvious Thursday/Saturday specials sign that screamed SHORT STOP at this place, but the food tastes exactly the same.  May I assume they are owned by the same people?

I didn't pay the one time I went to Sandy's (had a boyfriend back then who paid for everything), but I understand that Sandy's only accepts cash.  At least the Short Stop near my house recently began accepting credit cards.

Don't get me wrong, I love Short Stop's burg--  er, Sandy's burgers, but I just can't justify the drive down there and the need to carry cash. 

Verdict:  Not to eat

Gabbi's Burgers ans Dogs - 12001 Burnet Rd, Austin, TX 78758

I used to work across Burnet/Duval Rd from Gabbi's at First American Flood, so I would occasionally walk to Gabbi's for lunch.

The first time I went I got a cheeseburger, which was pretty good.  I've had better, but I wasn't really expecting a whole lot from Gabbi's.  The second time I went I got some kind of sandwich to go and ate at my desk at work.  The sandwich was just okay, and frankly, it's something I could have easily made at home for less money.

The third time I went I wanted to get a hot dog.  They've got several different hot dog combos on their menu, each of which costs $6.95 (hot dog and fries).  I asked how much it would cost if I got just a plain hot dog and fries, and was told it would still cost $6.95.  To me, that's ridiculously expensive for a plain hot dog and some fries.  I could understand if I wanted the hot dog combo that involved chili, mustard, relish, onions, etc., but I wanted just a dog and a bun.  So I ordered a burger again.  Good, not great.  Their salads are pathetically bad and incredibly small.  They do have Diet Dr Pepper, though, which is good in my book.

I haven't been back to Gabbi's since First American laid me off in January, and I doubt I will ever go back.  The whole shopping center stinks.  Mangia Pizza is there.  I know a lot of people like Mangia, but I think their pizza tastes terrible.  And then there's Taco Deli.  Taco Deli used to come over to First American in the mornings and sell breakfast tacos, which were great when they first started doing it a few years ago.  I would get just a cheese/egg taco, which involved cheddar cheese.  Nowadays they use mozzarella, which is not nearly as good.  And the rest of their food is just bad.  There is also Sodade Coffee in that shopping center.  Also not worth the drive nor money.  There's a much better coffee shop within walking distance of my house.

So what I'm saying is, there is absolutely no reason to ever go to this shopping center.  I had originally hoped Gabbi's could give it something worthwhile, but I was sorely disappointed. 

Verdit: Not to eat (they're closed anyway)

Shoal Creek Saloon - 909 N Lamar Blvd, Austin, TX 78703

10/23/09:

All day today I was in the mood for a shrimp po'boy.  I ended up at Austin Java this afternoon to meet a friend, and upon searching Google Maps on my phone for cajun restaurants I found Shoal Creek Saloon, so I decided to walk there after I was finished at Java.

Shoal Creek Saloon screamed BAR when I first walked in, but less than five minutes after I ordered people with hordes of kids came in, so the place quickly became much more reminiscent of a Chuck E Cheese.  I'm sorry, but I'm just not a kid person, especially when the kids are loud, obnoxious and running all around my table like chickens with their heads cut off.  Shoal Creek has several 2-top tables that are attached to a shuffleboard table, and I sat at one of those near one of the ends of the shuffleboard table.  For the first five minutes of my stay it was a nice seat.  Of course, when all the kids came in (and these 20 kids were not with one set of adults; they were in separate groups at separate tables), they made a beeline for the shuffleboard table.  The fact that I was RIGHT THERE made me very nervous.  The kids kept bumping my chair and yelling in my ear something fierce.  I know this isn't the restaurant's fault, but it still did not leave me with a good impression.  Had there only been a couple of kids there, no problem.  I thought going to a bar meant I would be kid-free, but apparently not.

Also, I wanted mayo on my shrimp po'boy but didn't get it. I figured I could ask the waitress for some, but the wait staff did not dare come near my table once my food was delivered. Not until I took THE LAST BITE of my sandwich, that is. Seriously, I couldn't get to the register/bar to ask for mayo because all the rugrats were in the way, and no one came to my table until the very second I finished eating. Every other table looked like it was getting great service. I liked my po'boy very much and I want to give this place another chance, but I do not want to go when it will be overrun by demon spawn. Is this place always so full of kids??

Shoal Creek Saloon is lucky the shrimp po'boy was yummy despite the lack of mayo, otherwise they would be getting a bad verdict from me. 

Verdict: To eat

Gene's Po' Boys and Deli - 1209 E 11th St, Austin, TX 78702

Gene's is a very unassuming place.  The first time I ate there was in early 2005, before the City of Austin started to try to revitalize East Austin.  There was only a dirt parking lot outside of Gene's, and plenty of hobos nearby, but I like hole-in-the-wall places so the surroundings did not scare me.

I had a shrimp po'boy, and it was the BEST one I've had outside of New Orleans.  I had been searching feverishly for years for a good shrimp po'boy in Texas since I left college in New Orleans in 1997, and I finally found one.  Well, there's a restaurant in Dallas called Shuck 'n' Jive which also has phenomenal po'boys, so if you're ever in The Big D, give them a try.  But here in Austin, Gene's just rocks.

During the 2005 visit the restaurant was quite crowded.  A co-worker and I went around noon, so you can imagine.  We had a waiter take our order, which Gene's doesn't seem to do anymore.  I went back for my second visit in 2009, and I had to order at the counter.  I don't remember what time I went to the restaurant, but there were only two other people in there.  11th St has changed quite considerably in the last four years, I noted.  It looks almost habitable now.  And there is an actual parking lot next to Gene's now instead of just dirt.

Some reviewers say the food changed for the worse since the new management took over.  The only clue I had that the management was different was the change between having a waiter previously and having to order at the counter most recently.  But the food tastes even better nowadays, in my opinion.

When I first moved to NW Austin in 2003, I walked from my house to the Spicewood Springs/183 intersection and tried a po'boy at Sambet's.  Gene's totally spanks Sambet's.

Next I will try Ms. B's and Nubian Queen Lola's.  Since Gene's and Nubian Queen are so close in distance, perhaps I will get a sandwich from each place and have a dueling po'boy-off. 

Verdict:  Not to eat, only because they are now closed

Drakula - 8120 Research Blvd, Austin, TX 78758

Service:  The service was slow, though I don't think I can REALLY blame the wait staff since I was part of a 38-member group.  Still, with TWO wait people, only one other table in use, and me with waitressing experience, I didn't think I should have had to ask for an iced tea refill.  Wait staff was nice, and the owner came out to say hello and to thank us for coming.

Ambiance:  The restaurant is extremely small, so I wonder -- even if the restaurant fills up at any point -- how they stay in business.  They have some nice knick-knacks on the walls, and I enjoyed reading Drakula's (the person) history and Romania's history via the back of the menu.

Food:  I did not order an entree because I'd had a late lunch.  I got a bowl of the meatball soup, which was very good.  The meatballs were very easy to cut up and they went well with the tomato broth.  The only thing I did not like about the soup was that they put shredded carrots in it.  That was just odd and not good with meatballs.  It was like pairing Roseanne Barr with Leonardo DiCaprio.  I was afraid the soup might end up being too spicy for me, but it was not spicy at all, which was fine with me.  Things that are too spicy make me cough a lot, and then I have trouble getting my breath, so I try to stay away from stuff like that.  

I later had a slice of homemade "cake", but there was nothing cakey about it.  It was essentially Cool Whip with some diced fruit mixed in.  Seriously, it tasted just like whipped cream.  Whipped cream is good and all, but only as a topping.  The picture of the "cake" in the menu was quite meringuey looking, but I decided it was just a bad picture.  Obviously I should have trusted my first instinct.  

Since we brought such a large group to the restaurant, we were given a couple plates of desserts to share, which consisted of pieces of cheese/apple danish (I did not try any of that), some itty bitty crescent rolls with what I think were mashed up dates inside (not very good), and some bread twisted into pretzel shapes which was neither very good nor pretty to look at.  In fact, no one in my part of the group liked the free desserts.  Nor did they really like the "cake" I let them try.  

Also, Drakula has a very poor selection of beer and wine.  And do not go there thinking you can get a martini... they lack a full bar.

Previous history:  I wanted to try Drakula a couple of years ago with my boyfriend-at-the-time.  We looked up the place, saw they were open until 10pm, went over there at nearly 9pm one Saturday night, and they were closed.  We emailed to ask them to verify their hours.  Explained that we went one night when they were supposedly open until 10pm but they were closed instead.  Mentioned in the email that we were very put off by this.  Despite the fact that we were very diplomatic in the email, we never got a response from them, so we decided to never again go there.  

Conclusion:  Two years later I finally went, and I see it wasn't completely worth the trouble.

Verdict:  Maybe eat 

Fran's Hamburgers - 6214 Cameron Rd, Austin, TX 78723

Upon first moving to Austin I learned that Fran and Dan (of Dan's Hamburgers) were once married.  They since divorced and have each tried to corner the Austin burger market.  Fran's, in my humble opinion, wins hands down.  I am not saying this out of any semblance of feminism, but Dan's burgers just aren't that great.  I wonder if Dan was equally as terrible in the bedroom, and that's why the marriage ended.  Or, perhaps, Fran pleased too many other men with her meat and buns.  No matter.

I admit I have only ever tried the regular cheeseburger, but it's good enough that I stick to it when I go.  And while we're at it, I'd like to point out that I eat at Fran's once per month despite the fact that I live way up at Spicewood Springs and 183.  There's a location on S Congress, and one in central Austin, but NW Austin is ignored, as usual.

I am not a big french fry person, but Fran's fries aren't bad, folks.  Going back to her cheeseburgers, though, the cheese is always melted just right, and the meat has a phenomenal flavor, and the buns are toasted JUST RIGHT.

The only bad thing I can say about Fran's is that they only accept cash.  At least, that was true at the time of publishing.  I would definitely go to Fran's more often if they accepted credit cards.  (Hint, hint!) 

Verdict:  To eat

Dokdoya World Fusion - 9616 N Lamar Blvd, Austin, TX 78753

Very small place, which is fine and intimate.  I did not like the wannabe-hip techno background music; it ruined the authenticity for me.  I mean, is this a restaurant or a club?  Where's my mini faux leopard-skin skirt and platform go-go boots when I need 'em?

I ordered the jalapeno shrimp roll, which -- the menu stated -- has tempura shrimp, cream cheese, and some other fish I can't remember (tuna, I think).  Now, my problem with a lot of sushi places is that almost every freaking roll has avocado in it.  I love avocados, I really do, but I am allergic to them.  Not anaphylactic-shock allergic, but makes-my-mouth-itch allergic, so I just assume stay away from them.  After all, you never know when a food allergy may randomly get worse.  So I purposely ordered a roll that specifically, according to the menu, did not include avocado.

The food was very slow getting out of the kitchen.  Molasses in January grows more quickly than the food grew out of Dokdoya's kitchen.  We all somewhat knew it would be slow because this place is fairly new, but our food wasn't even all ready at the same time.  Other people in my group were patting their stomachs and sighing from fullness before my roll finally arrived.  And guess what?  Three of the ten pieces of my roll had a slice of avocado in them.  Yep.  I merely pushed the avocado out of the roll, despite my tablemates trying to convince me to send it back.  I did not want to wait an extra 30 minutes for a new roll to be ready, and I just didn't think it would turn out right anyway, so I did what I could to get around the avocado.  Had I had a severe allergy to avocados, I may not be alive right now to write this because, despite my efforts, I could not rid my roll of every speck of avocado.

What normally happens at other sushi places is that I will order a roll that normally comes with avocado and will ask them to nix the vegetable, explaining with wide eyes that I am allergic to it (thus hoping to create a sense of urgency in keeping the avocado away from my roll).  Most sushi places have mastered my request just fine, but one place (whose name I cannot remember) failed to take out the avocado and I had to send back the roll.  But never before tonight, in all of the sushi places at which I have eaten, have I ordered a roll that the menu said did not have avocado, only to have it magically appear in my roll anyway. 

Other than the avocado issue, the roll was just okay.  I have had better shrimp tempura rolls.  I expected the tempura to be hot, or at least warm, but it was as cold as the rest of the roll.  I doubt I will ever make a return trip to Dokdoya.

Sorry, Dokdoya, but I do not appreciate menus that lie to me, especially when my life might be at stake.

The one positive thing I can write is that they have half-price sushi rolls in the evenings.  My mediocre allergic experience only cost me $7.58, and that included miso soup and a small tasty salad.

Off issue, I think Mediocre Allergic Experience would have made a great '60s rock 'n' roll band name.

Verdict:  Not to eat