Thursday, February 24, 2011

Murphy's Deli - 700 Lavaca St, Austin, TX 78701

Murphy's was not worth the piddly 3-block trek from my office.  It was not worth the time.  'Twas not even worth the Google Maps search I did to find it.

I ordered a ham and swiss sammich.  I got lettuce and fat-free mayo on it, which are the only toppings I ever get on a sammy, but this was the only sammy I've ever eaten that tasted positively plain and boring this way.  If Ben Stein was a sandwich, he'd have been launching fireworks in my mouth compared to this pathetic Murphy's Deli sandwich.

Seriously, I know ham and cheese is really boring in the universe of sandwich options, but that is typically when a deli will attempt to ramp up the excitement by using flavorful breads.   The bread here (French) was a complete snoozer.  Boring.  Nothing at all interesting in its yeasty clutches.  It looked yummy as the counter person put the sandwich together, but I was so sorry for my poorly though out lunch choice as soon as I bit into it.

The acoustics in there must have been subpar because, with the music only at a medium volume, I could barely hear any of what the two counter people said to me.  I had to ask them to repeat everything twice, sometimes thrice.  At first I was afraid my hearing was going.  After all, I had a bag under my left eye la few mornings earlier, and I've never had eye bags before, so lately I've been conscious of aging.  But I wiped my ["wrinkled"] brow in relief as soon as a third counter person asked if I wanted my sammich as a combo.  Had no trouble hearing her, so the two counter dudes need to to learn to speak from their diaphragms.

The place was clean and the decor was fine, but one minor detail irritated me:  The plastic lid did not fit on my cup.  Yes, I was using the supposedly correct size.  The lid was too small.  I did actually try the other size, out of morbid curiosity, but it was too big like I knew it would be.  So the drink station was almost like Goldilocks and the Three Bears, only in this case Goldilocks didn't get her perfectly warmed porridge... er, perfectly sized drink lid.

*Why the hell did Catherine write 500+ characters about a drink lid?*

Because I like to entertain you.  I also wrote it so that you will be spared the very minor stress with which I dealt.  And hopefully this will lead you to avoid all four of the Murphy's locations on Congress or Lavaca that are within a 6-block radius of each other.  That way, your stomach will like you for at least one more day.

If you're looking for a comatose sandwich, head to Murphy's Deli. 

Verdict:  Not to eat

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