I know, I can't believe I'm reviewing a Denny's either.
I had just gotten done having a goodly time at Painting With a Twist one Friday night and was all set to try out the grub at neighboring Geaux Burgers. Unfortunately, they were closed. I was half tempted to eat at the nauseating Mighty Fine (I know I just burned a bunch of bridges with you folks by saying that), but I figured they'd be closed, too. The only thing that spoke to me that I knew would be open was Denny's.
I had no intention of staying there to eat, as it was bitterly cold and I just wanted to go home, tear off all my clothing, and eat in bed in front of the television. Jessica took my to-go order. She was awfully sweet and friendly, and she had the cutest hair! We gabbed like hairdressers for a good five minutes about how she'd done the highlights herself and about how she had not one split end despite it having been a good six weeks since she'd gotten it cut. Gab, gab, gab!
I ordered my standard Moons Over My Hammy sans hammy (*blasphemy*). To partially borrow a line from Sam L Jackson: I'm not Jewish; I just don't dig on swine humping my moons. So I waited and dug all the oldies music they were playing. I even sung along to every song, which garnered a lot of pained looks from other diners, probably because I sing like Fran Drescher laughs. I ordered hash browns and *extra* hash browns with my moons, and I was quietly salivating on the counter awaiting my prizes.
My food came out quickly, and I drove home as fast as I could. Took off my heathenous clothing and settled into a nice warm robe and bed with my goodies and the remote control. Oh, this was going to be good!
Well, it wasn't as good as I'd hoped. I know I've had better tasting Moons Over My Nothing and hash browns before. Seeing as how I was in bed in my robe, I pinched myself, thinking I was having a nightmare. Unfortunately, this was real. The food wasn't dreadful, mind you, but it was like sex with that crush who *finally* agreed to go out with you: You expected it to be much better and last a lot longer because you'd built it up in your mind THAT much.
And then I realized something: I was sober. Every other time I've eaten food from this Denny's, I've been at least tipsy. So there's your problem, folks. The reason this location has received such terrible ratings is because the people who reviewed it were sober when they went. The time I had the best food here was New Year's Eve 2008. I later got a toll road bill in the mail for that night, despite the fact that there are no toll roads between this Denny's and where I was. Ah, good memories... or lack thereof!
Bottom line, folks: Don't drink and drive. DO drink and Denny's.