I feel like writing my review as a fake phone conversation with Fabi and Rosi:
Me: ....Oh yeah... uh, I ate there last night.
F&R: Did you like it?
Me: Well, pretty much. Great service, but the food could have been much better. I wanted to give you guys 4 stars on Yelp, but I just can't get past, like, 3.5 stars.
F&R: And why is that?
Me: Well, I got the escargot to start out with, and it had onions in it. Onions. Why did it have onions?
F&R: That's just the way we make it.
Me: Personally, I think the onions made the escargot taste subpar. And the parsley butter wasn't a good idea, either. Justine's and Gumbo's make better escargot.
F&R: Sorry to hear that. We'll definitely take that into serious consideration.
Me: And then I ordered the Natural Chicken Breast, which was enjoyably lightly fried and delicious, but the breast was a little tough. The mashed potatoes it came with were akin to a culinary orgasm, though. I was hit with an unfamiliar urge. An urge to stealthily sneak into the kitchen and steal the pot in which the mashed potatoes were cooking, at which point I would escape into the parking lot, shoveling the mashed potatoes into my pie-hole at rapid speed before the manager would, undoubtedly, catch me...
F&R: Um... okay... that's, um... great!
Me: ...but I was the only person at my table who recognized that those other things on my plate were carrots. Those blackened things? Yeah, carrots. And the only reason *I* knew they were carrots was because the menu said so. Oh, and the spinach was way too salty.
F&R: Alright, well, we'll take all of that into consideration.
Me: Good. Oh, and the dark chocolate mousse I got for dessert? I had to really strain to taste the chocolate. I mean, five bites and I could hardly taste anything at all. The whipped cream had a lot more taste, and I think that's really saying something. That was disappointing after the mashed potato orgasm. So I gave the mousse to some fat guy sitting across from me.
F&R: Well, that's, um, really charitable of you. We'll try harder on that mousse.
Me: I hope so.
F&R: Try us again in the future. I'm sure we can do better, what with our fairly high Yelp rating.
Me: Okay. Will do. I want to say again that the service was excellent. Definitely high quality. And because of that, I'll go ahead and give you guys four stars, even though you really only deserve 3.5.
F&R: Wow, well...
Me: Bye now. *click*
I don't know why, but the "Family Guy" episode I was just watching on hulu.com somehow inspired that fake phone call. I think "Family Guy" just inspires laziness in me. Or should I call it *creativity*?