Thursday, March 17, 2011

Patsy's Cafe - 5001 E Ben White Blvd, Austin, TX 78741

What a disappointment.  What's NOT disappointing is that I'd never even heard of this place before I ate there.  And even less disappointing is the fact that I'll never eat at Patsy's again.

A few gals and I volunteered for a couple of hours at Safeplace, and our leader suggested eating at Patsy's afterward.  I was surprised to see how close it was to Catfish Parlor.  I've eaten at that Catfish Parlor, but I never noticed Patsy's.

Parking was a bitch, but that's what happens when you go to lunch at noon.  There were four of us, each in our own car, and three of us ended up making our own parking spaces.

Okay, so I ordered the chicken fried chicken, which came with grilled veggies and mashed potatoes, as well as a small dinner salad with homemade Thousand Island dressing.  I have to say, the dressing was very good, but there was no cheese on my salad, which disappointed me.  I also got a slice of jalapeno cornbread which wasn't too bad.

Here's where things got ugly.  Once our server took our order, she didn't come back to our table until we'd finished our meals.  She didn't check on us, nothing.  And the food...  ick!  My entree looked decent, but it tasted really fake, like Chicken McNuggets fake.  Normally when I cut into a chicken breast, chicken will flake off from the breast into threads.  That didn't happen with Patsy's chicken.  It was one solid mass of school-lunch chicken.  Sysco chicken.  And it didn't even really taste like chicken; it unfortunately tasted more like rubber.  The gravy was subpar, too.  And the mashed potatoes?  They tasted like... get ready... Pepto-Bismol.  No joke.  Pepto-Abysmal, more like.

Speaking of Pepto-Bismol, I wished a couple of hours later that I had some, as Patsy's food gave me the stomach upset.  It's a good thing I didn't have to be anywhere for a few hours.  You can't expect to do that to me and get more than one star.

If Dale Evans and Roy Rogers took the stage at Patsy's and sang "Happy Trails", it'd go more like this:

Unhappy entrails to you, until we meet again.
Unhappy entrails to you, keep shittin' until then.
Who cares about good quality when we're serving?
Just know your health is undeserving.

Some entrails are happy ones;
Others are blue.
It's the way we treat your entrails that counts,
So your entrails are screwed.

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